Y2K Appletini (a non-alcoholic sour apple cocktail that even tastes better than the original)
The espresso martini has nothing on the electric green drink when it comes to early aughts nostalgia.
This week’s cocktail was inspired by a recent article in New York Magazine about how bartenders hate making espresso martinis1, which have become hip again alongside a lot of the worst things that were cool at the turn of the 21st century. Gen Z collectively refers to this retro aesthetic as “Y2K,” which sounds incredibly sinister to those of us who were conscious at the time, when Y2K referred to an issue with computers that we all feared would cause airplanes to fall out of the sky when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s 2000. This whole revival is completely confounding to me, because (other than the espresso martinis), I recognize so little of this fashion as something that I wore— or that anyone wore. I mean, I know that I was in my first year of college and partied a lot in the year 2000, but I feel like I would remember if the style was wearing weird cropped mesh cardigans that strain at the buttons and are supposed to look like they were 4 sizes too small.
So all of this has me racking my brain to review what 2000 was really like, which of course made me start thinking about the drinks that were hip at the time. In addition to espresso martinis, cosmos were all the rage because of the popularity of Sex and the City, but the drink that would really prove that Y2K was back would be the appletini.
For those who weren’t around or don’t remember, the Wikipedia description of an appletini is vodka mixed with apple schnapps. This would lead you to believe that it was some kind of pre-prohibition riff made with Calvados found in the back of grandpa’s liquor cabinet, but the “apple schnapps” were very specifically Apple Pucker, an anti-freeze colored syrup that tasted like a chemical weapon specifically designed to get you drunk to distract you while it destroyed your teeth. While most bars can’t make a real espresso martini because they don’t have an espresso machine, they wouldn’t be embarrassed to have one. Most bars can’t make you a real appletini because they don’t have Apple Pucker, and if they did, they would hide it under the bar where no one could see it.
In the year 2021, the sober bartender can easily find the ingredients to make a zero proof cosmo and a non-alcoholic espresso martini, but it should come as no surprise that no one has tried to make a non-alcoholic version of that unholy marriage of Jolly Ranchers and vitamin C tablets. Appletinis were pretty to look at, but they were not the kind of thing that even those spending thousands on Depop for “vintage Y2K fashion” would want to drink in the wellness conscious 2020s.
So, of course, I wanted to see if it was possible to recreate the appletini, and if its reputation was worth rehabilitating. Because I love tart green apples, I wanted to make an alcohol free, better tasting appletini using real green apple juice.
I started with Rhode Island Greenings, a super sour variety available at my local Farmer’s Market. I wanted to keep the apple juice a light spring green, and exposure to air makes apple flesh turn brown, unless stopped by some kind of antioxidant, like lemon juice or citric acid. I sliced up the apples, threw them in the blender with some citric acid powder, both to amp up the pucker factor and to prevent oxidation. At first, the puree was a lovely, barely pale green, but in a millisecond, turned a deep caramel brown.
Not wanting to waste it, I used it to test different non-alcoholic spirits until I found the one that worked best with the tart apple. I landed on Pentire Seaward, which gave the sourness the drink an adult complexity without rendering the sour apple flavor unrecognizable. I was definitely on the right track, flavorwise, even if it was the wrong color.
So, I tried a new technique— I cut the apples in thinner and smaller pieces, doubled the amount of citric acid, and let the pieces of apple sit in the citric acid for a few hours, hoping that if it had more time to penetrate the fruit, and covered more of the surface area, the color would survive a blitz in the blender. It didn’t work. It was lighter than the first batch, but still brown. I don’t like having to choose between aesthetics and taste, and if I do have to choose, taste will almost always win out for me. But the most important element of an appletini was not the flavor, but the color. I tried food coloring, but adding green to the brown juice just resulted in something the color of swamp water.
I was stuck. And I was stressed. I had a deadline to meet for another publication, this week’s Screen Test of Time podcast episode was going to take at least 5 hours to edit. And it was already Friday. Influenced by all these trips down memory lane to when I spent every weekend (and some weekdays) dancing until dawn, I decided to grab an energy drink for probably the first time in ten years. Serendipitously, one of the perfume people I follow (@eaumg) recently and positively reviewed a caramel apple flavored one on her Instagram stories. A quick Google search showed I could get one a couple of blocks away! I threw on my shoes, ran down the street to GNC, and bought a can of Alani Nu Witch’s Brew Energy Drink.
Victoria hadn’t lied. It was really good. I couldn’t use it for the drink, because it was bubbly and the caramel flavor was wrong (and also it was brown, like ginger ale). While there, I learned that Alani Nu makes a Witch’s Brew pre-workout powder, too, and decided, what the hell, let’s get that, too. I liked the flavor, and it would be cheaper by the drink than buying cases of the cans. Apparently, the blast of caffeine, taurine, and B vitamins helped me focus, and I remembered this fantastic green apple juice made with actual green apples that I could get at my grocery store: Ralph & Charlie’s Green Apple Kiwi Pineapple juice. This could work! This might be just the thing!
Well, reader, it was! The flavor is excellent, it’s made with real juice instead of whatever Apple Pucker is made from, and even with a little citric acid powder and some simple syrup, it may not be healthy, but it’s nowhere near as bad for you as fluorescent green booze. I’d found the way to make the better-than-booze appletini!
You have a few options with this drink. You can make a delicious, acid green cocktail with just the juice and the non-alcoholic spirits, but for that green apple Jolly Rancher flavor, the simple syrup and citric acid powder are critical. If you don’t want to buy two bottles, it’s great using just Pentire Seaward, but the Free Spirits Spirit of Gin is necessary for that martini burn without changing the flavor (though you might want to reduce the simple syrup and citric acid powder if you just use Seaward).
If you want the real 2000s experience of drinking something full of artificial flavor and tons of caffeine, there’s another ingredient you can play with, and I’ve included this version after the original. Turns out, the Witch’s Brew pre-workout? It isn’t caramel apple flavored at all: it’s sour apple and it’s green! Just be careful if you decide to opt for this— there’s 50 mg of caffeine in each drink, so if you plan on staying up until dawn, just make sure you pace yourself with this stuff.
RECIPE: Y2K Appletini
Ingredients
• 1 ounce Pentire Seaward
• 1 ounce Free Spirits The Spirit of Gin
• 3 ounces Ralph & Charlie’s Green Apple Kiwi Pineapple Juice
• ¼ ounce Liber & Co. Classic Gum Syrup
• ¼ teaspoon citric acid powder
To Mix
Add all ingredients to cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake vigorously until chilled.
Strain into cocktail glass (martini glass).
RECIPE: Amped Up Y2K Appletini
Ingredients
• 1 ounce Pentire Seaward
• 1 ounce Free Spirits The Spirit of Gin
• 2 ounces Ralph & Charlie’s Green Apple Kiwi Pineapple Juice
• ½ teaspoon Alani Nu Witch’s Brew pre-workout powder
To Mix
Add all ingredients to cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake vigorously until chilled.
Strain into cocktail glass (martini glass).
Party like it’s the very last day of 1999.
Serving Suggestions
One of the things that goes unmentioned when discussing this whole Y2K throwback thing is that, at the time, we were looking back to the 1980s. For a seasonally appropriate early 2000s double feature, try American Psycho (2000), a slasher satire about an 80’s Wall Street asshole who happens to be a serial killer, and Donnie Darko (2001), an atmospheric, creepy, and bittersweet teen drama set in 1988, just tinged with horror and sci-fi and that made everyone my age love Echo and the Bunnymen.
If you’ve opted for the Amped Up version, though, let me suggest a 305 Fitness class. It’s dance cardio with a live DJ and a wild light show that feels like a full night out in 45 minutes and you can still get a full night’s sleep (and if you come to one in New York, I just might be your DJ). If you’re not near a 305 Fitness studio, or you’re not yet comfortable going to group fitness classes, you can also take classes at home on demand with 305 Fitness At Home. I started going back in 2018, and I loved it so much that I ended up working there, so this isn’t just me plugging my job.
Prefer to control the dance party yourself? Underworld’s live album, Everything, Everything came out in 2000, is one of my favorite electronic music albums of all time. It will make you feel like you’re in a muddy field with 10,000 of your best friends, in fluffy boots and a neon colored mini-skirt, after way too many Red Bulls, even if you’re just blasting it in your living room.
Until next week, keep your fluorescent 2000s throwback drinks zero proof and your 5PMs (or your 5AMs) eternal!
This is such a weird category to me. Why do magazines and websites keep publishing these “This is what bartenders hate making” articles?